Since You Don’t Know Me

It matters to me what you think of me; what others think of me.

Who am I to others? What do they see me as? Yes, it matters to me. I have small windows of opportunities when I interact with the world. In those small moments, I present myself, garbed in multi-coloured layers of self. My thoughts, my beliefs, my experiences and my values are displayed in small amounts to showcase who I would want to be. Is that the real me? Maybe, no.

It’s impossible to show the real me. I am guarded and I am careful because deep down inside; I am a nurturer of self, I am protective of my childhood, nervous about my fears, proud about small achievements and secure about my relationships. I don’t want you to see all those but I do want to include snippets of these in my interactions with you. So, I am cautious and careful and as you see so little of me, I can’t afford to mislead you.

Of course, I do know that at the end I can’t  change what you think of me. Even if you read me all wrong, even if you are superficial enough to just glance at the surface, I will remain who I am. You will never know me completely but whatever little you do know, I want it to be true.